Announcing launch of our new site!!

What with the surging popularity of SeriousUltimate, our newly bestowed laurals as the #1 Ultimate Blog in Chicago (Time Out Chicago, October 06) and the fading to irrelevance of all other Chicago ultimate blogs, a change of venue has loomed larger and larger on our Horizen.

SeriousUltimate receives the #1
Ultimate Blog In Chicago award
from Time Out Chicago

Now, the sheer volume of readers of SeriousUltimate has forced us to acknowledge our complete success, and relocate to a bigger, more expansive site more befitting the explosive and meteoric nature of our immense popularity. Mr Serious and Mr Ultimate are proud to announce that SeriousUltimate has aquired our own domain to host our blog, which will amply accomidate the tidalwaves of new and old readers that visit our blog daily. In addition, our exciting new site will allow us to expand the focus and features of SeriousUltimate. Beyond hosting our dynamic new-look blog, the new site will now offer these exciting new features:

Blog Back--Have a lot to say about the adventures of Mr Serious and Mr Ultimate? Blog Back will allow you to start your own blog about our blog, hosted on our new site. Blog us back playa!

Newz and Notez--Come read about parties, nights out, pickup, gossip and musings from the Serious Ultimate world in this new and exciting feature. The regular SeriousUltimate blog already covers this stuff 100%, absolutely, completely and exhaustively, but this will be in a new seciton!

On your mobile phone!

Mobile Playas--This feature will allow you to sign up to receive updates on the Serious Ultimate lifestyle on your mobile phone! Does life get more purposeful and exciting!?

SU Forum--An exciting open space where Serious peeps can connect and discuss Serious Ultimate goings and doings.

Chat it up--An exciting participant venue where Serious brothers and sisters can meet and chat about Serious Ultimate flows and flavors.

Serious Playas--An exciting interactive feature where Serious playas can get together and talk about Serious Ultimate happenings and happenstance.

Here it is: WWW.SERIOUSULTIMATE.COM!!!

Mr Serious' sartorial suggestions to self-styled serious ultimate players

Last night at around 11, Mr Ultimate returned home from an ultimate-specific visualization session in a sensory deprevation chamber. Mr Ultimate believes that confidence and visualization are integral parts of tournament preperation, and thus spent two hours in complete blackness, visualizing myself in various spiking scenarios in the UPA Club Finals.

At home, I noticed that I had several unsent emails saved in my Drafts folder, which I have been meaning to send but haven't for lack of the person's email address. So I've decided to send these overdue sartorial sentiments as open notes, to the adressees listed as follows.

To the summer league all star: congratulations on your Under Armour compression shorts, Under Armour jersey, Under Armour shorts, Under Armour socks, Under Armour headband and Under Armour wristband. You still fucking blow. Is it Halloween already? because you have a fucking sweet Ultimate Player costume.

What's the score ultimate visor?

The ultimate player wearing an ultimate visor: Welcome to 1999. Your rec ultimate future is so bright you have to shade your eyes. Do you play ultimate or golf, because you train like a golfer.

This is an ultimate game, not
Total Request Live, prick bag.

The ultimate player rocking your hat sideways or askew: you better be able to drop a 80 yard forehand on a dime, because you're the biggest douchebag on the field.

Gearing up for the Fall
season at Kincaid's.

The ultimate player sporting "ultimate wear" in a non-ultimate setting: Hey dude, I see you've decided to wear your Gaia visor, VC warm up jacket, and Five Ultimate t-shirt to Grand Central. You must be really serious about ultimate. Too bad you haven't seen the inside of a gym in 2 years. Some people train for ultimate, you just buy gear. How's your Fall league team doing?

Nice capri tights, tardo.

The ultimate player sporting capri tights: There's nothing wrong with spandex tights in cold weather--they allow increased freedom of motion over track pants. That's seriously functional. But what's the point of tights that only come down to mid-calf? Did you wake up in the morning and say, Mm, it's going to be too cold for compression shorts, but too warm for full length tights. I'll go with my Old Navy capri tights! I hope that extra 10 inches of breathability is worth looking like a flaming tard.

The ultimate player wearing a skirt: Who gave you the green light to make life decisions? Was it supportive parents? Encouraging teachers? A liberal arts college? Well they fucked up. You should be sequestered until you recognize:
a) The difference between being in public and being in your own little world where you are awesome.
b) That you are not the only person in the world.
c) That your actions have consequences for other people.

Serious Ultimate goes to Regionals

Mr Serious and Mr Ultimate recently enjoyed a glorious weekend in Naperville, attending one of our favorite kinds of tournaments: an elimination tournament. Sure, Nationals gives Mr Serious a boner the size of a rocket booster. Yet at the conclusion of Nationals, every team's season is over, whether you finish 1st or 16th. But at Regionals, a few select teams move forward, while all the teams that have been half-assing it, taking shortcuts and makes excuses will have their hopes and dreams trampled, spit on and raped. Thus it was with great anticipation that Mr Serious and Mr Ultimate arrived at the TD's tent Saturday morning, ready to watch spirits crushed in the Open Division, the Women's Division, and those other divisions whatever they are.

Finally, Chicago will return to the national ultimate scene, sending three teams to Nationals this year. That's right, Machine, Nemesis and Real Huck will be representing Chicago in Sarasota. Just Machine, Nemesis, and Real Huck. No other team from Chicago, as far as Mr Serious and Mr Ultimate know, are going to Nationals.

Machine, how could you lose
to this guy in Semis?

Mr Serious saw Nemesis narrowly edge Bait to win the region in dramatic fashion. Well done ladies. Meanwhile, Mr Ultimate watched Machine lost to BAT 15-13 or so in very unserious fashion. Come on boys.

Madcow's starting O line celebrates after a victory.
Machine couldn't stop these guys?

How can you lose to a team that features two dudes with pony tails, three dudes with man tits, and one dude with both.For a moment I thought Machine had been demoted to the co-ed division, but it was just Gelo. We hoped to see Machine bounce back, but then they collapsed against Madcow and were banished to the third place bracket. Mr Ultimate went to CVS at halftime of this game and bought eight clipboards, then broke all of them during the second half. Madcow? These guys only have six teeth between them. Happily, Machine gutted it out and won three straight to take the super back door over Madison.

Sub Zero came out on top at Regionals.
They're so hot right now.

On the other side of the bracket, Mr Serious watched Haymaker lose 15-12 in a surprisingly tight game with that troupe of preening male models who play ultimate on the side under the name Sub Zero. Mr Serious later learned that Haymaker then proceeded to lose their next game to some college team.

What's it going to be Haymaker?

Mr Serious and Mr Ultimate haven't been this teased since Twin Peaks. One day you're playing sick ultimate and tempting us to board the Haymaker bandwagon, and the next day you're losing to the the New Trier girls field hockey team. Enough Haymaker. Decide that you're going to be a serious ultimate team, or pick up some women, stop practicing, inhale six Ho Hos a day and join the co-ed division.

Third Coast and Optimus Lime finished somewhere
between The Gluttonous and The Hoarders

Optimus Lime and Third Coast; I have a life to live. I can't spend my time writing up your hellish Regional results.

Ok. Mr Serious has neglected to mention that Mr Briefcase made Nationals too. Briefcase was seeded second out of 16 teams, with only 15 bids to Nationals up for grabs. Despite this pressure cooker atmosphere, Briefcase garnered the one seed from the Central Region. Actually, Mr Briefcase finished second. The Chad Larson Experience won the region, but Briefcase gets the one seed because Chad Larson isn't attending Nationals. That's right. Chad Larson won the fucking region, and they finished 3/4 at Nationals last year, but this year they've decided not to go to Nationals.

Mr Ultimate was hospitalized after hearing that
CLEX turned down their bid to Nationals.

What kind of a jiztastic diarrhea milksop division is the co-ed division? I just threw up my spleen, ate it back up to get the bad taste out of my mouth, then threw it up again. Mr Ultimate had a siesure and I had to put a wooden spoon in his mouth to keep him from swollowing his tongue. He was rushed to the ER where he was stabilized and moved to intensive care, and he may not make our plyo workout tomorrow. Is the entire co-ed division an elaborate joke on Mr Serious and Mr Ultimate? If it is, Touche. It's a good joke. But if it's not a joke, what the fuck is it? Well I guess it's Congratulations to Mr Briefcase and the 14 other Co-ed Nationals qualifiers from the Central Region. You have garnered a prize freely discarded and freshly shit on.